Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Fear of Making Changes?

Have you ever wondered why so many of us go along putting up with things we don't like about our life, but doing nothing about it? We feel it all the time.

"I hate my job. But I have no choice, even I am not happy here but there's nothing else out there".

"I don't really like this housing area, but I can't afford to move".

or "My partner and I are not really that happy any more, but we don't want to break up because we can't find anyone else to love".

It seems to be an accepted fact that change is bad. Scary. It is risky to be done. We build change up into such a big thing that we become paralysed in its wake. We build up excuses and beliefs around that change, to stop us from having to take any action. We pretend the change is a huge mountain that we couldn't possibly climb, so we turn our back on it.

So we go on, day becoming week, becoming month and then year, putting up with things that make us feel miserable, forgetting what it felt like to have our heart sing, because that might require change. But then there comes a day when something snaps and the scales tip. We realise we have to DO something. We can't leave things as they are. And we take steps to make that change.

No one can force us to be ready to change. Change can't happen until the pain of changing becomes less than the pain of staying the same. 

We build the fear of change into something of such great proportions that we numb out the pain of staying the same. We use all sorts of creative excuses and behaviours to pretend we don't mind. We eat too much, drink too much, smoke, go out too much, get angry, drive too fast, exercise too much, even meditate too much - all trying to block out the pain of our reality, because we're so scared of changing.

Is there anything we can Do?
  1. The first step towards being able to change is to understand WHAT - specifically - you are scared of. 
  2. Then, see if the specific item is "real" - or is it just the projection of a scared Ego-mind? Usually we find that very little of it is real. 
  3. Once you have got your fears back under control, you can start looking at the excuses you're using to avoid having to change. They're usually deeply-held beliefs that we picked up years ago, that protect us from ever having to get out of our comfort zone... 
  4. Then it's about deciding whether you really WANT the change. And, if you do, breaking it down into baby steps. The Dalai Lama reminds us that if you stand really close to any problem in life, you can successfully make it look enormous. But if you step back and get things into perspective, it always looks smaller and more manageable. 
Being scared of making a change is just our unconscious mind's way of telling us the change is important to us, but outside of our comfort zone. And yet nothing always stays the same. Change is an essential part of living and growing. Without it, we would stagnate. It's being attached to the present and worrying about the future that makes it scary. And, deep down, we know we have a FREEDOM OF CHOICE to make changes that will make our heart sings while we still can, don't we?

thanks: Clare Josa


Mushamir said...

Nice post, I am trying the 4 steps out above. :)

read your Malaysian song festival post - there was a recent one this week.

Keep it up! :)

Stylish Goddess said...

thanks a lot! appreciate it:)